On the Science Behind Happy Relationships
Excerpts from an article in Time Magazine:
“The most important thing we’ve learned … is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
That responsiveness, in a nutshell, is all about sending a cue and having the other person respond to it. “The $99 million question in love is, ‘Are you there for me?’” says Johnson. “It’s not just, ‘Are you my friend and will you help me with the chores?’ It’s about emotional synchronicity and being tuned in.”
In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right. Criticism and rejection — often met with defensiveness and withdrawal — are exceedingly distressing, and something that our brain interprets as a danger cue.
“small things often.”
One easy place to start is to find ways to compliment your partner every day, says Cole — whether it’s expressing your appreciation for something they’ve done or telling them, specifically, what you love about them. This exercise can accomplish two beneficial things: First, it validates your partner and helps them feel good about themselves. And second, it helps to remind you why you chose that person in the first place.
And third, get our book, “Don’t Be a Cow! An Interactive Guide to True Happiness!
The full article is entitled: The Science Behind Happy Relationships, by Sarah Treleaven. And here’s an interesting video on the subject.